Reuben Monte Cristo

A cynic and smart-aleck by nature, Reuben is on most occasions bitter and derisive. He will gladly serve you with all the enthusiastic air of a man whose been working minimum-wage in the back with the fryers for several hours. He is easily irked and pretty chill, but has a bad habit of going into hysterics in trying situations.

If you ever need to get the dirt on a contender, it's a good idea to consult Reuben first. The Cafeteria walls have ears, and Reuben pays especially close attention to juicy Core gossip that comes his way.

Appearance
Reuben is 5ft 2". He compensates for his height by wearing two hats, though one of them is a bun and can be technically part of his head. By the way, did I forget to mention that he is an anthropomorphized sandwich?

His skin is an off shade of grey. It's been proven that he bleeds condiments, and from what can be determined there are slices of prosciutto and American cheese in his hair. On second thought, don't call it hair. It's lettuce. That would be nasty.

Reuben is incredibly thin and probably doesn't have any bones. Because of this his gestures are cartoonish and animated. 50% of the time he's either dead or unconscious due to the circumstances of his job.

Personality
The queen bitch of the Cafeteria. Reuben has a hard time breaking himself off from his first impressions of the contenders he meets in the Cafeteria. If he hates you, you're going to know it, and on top of that probably never hear the end of it. He is all talk until you threaten him. If you aren't careful, he will give you an offensive nickname and by Dod, it will stick.

Being about 70lbs and completely unarmed, Reuben generally relies on the other contenders to have his back when the cafeteria fighters get too rowdy. They usually don't help him though, so he usually winds up dead. Which is bizarre because he actually owns a pair of dual-wielding pistols that Riku gave him for their Chefiversary. It is presumed that Reuben enjoys the attention of being shot.

Background
Reuben's been at the bottom of the food chain figuratively and literally for as long as he cares to rememeber. At one point in his life he was a contender of the station's Security sector, but this career was soon abbreviated. One day after eating a substantial breakfast of lead and shrapnel projectiles, Reuben died and his body was appropriately and effeciently dragged to the Regen Chambers.

Compared to the insanity Reuben puts up with in the present day, his backstory doesn't even begin to suck as bad. The Infirmary was pressed for time in the regeneration procedure and forgot to empty his pockets before starting the revitalization process.

Long story short, Reuben's entire genetic code became interblended with a wayward turkey and ham sandwich which he had left in his uniform that day, and it has been the bane of his existence ever since. Since then, he has occasionally indulged himself with excessive drinking for the sheer reason that /nobody takes any of this seriously/. All-in-all he is a massive pessimist.

Equipment/Abilities
He knows gymnastics.

And yes, that is a threat.

Trivia
- Reuben is a strict vegan because the taste of meat has become eerily too familiar to him. This makes for an abundance of salad joke fodder.

- He isn't happy with playing second banana to a lunatic who thinks he's a ninja. They're close bros and him and Riku play videogames together on their breaktime.

- Reuben doesn't hate Cecil as much as he lets on. But he definitely hates Tsura.

- Reuben makes a lot of references to pop culture on Earth, the implication here being that he used to be human. He enjoys terrible movies and bad acting.

- Almost half the information Reuben gives is fake or exaggerated. You gotta work around his sarcasm, it really warps his stories at times.

- Reuben goes to /b/. He makes it obvious with some of the 4chan references he works into his conversations.

- He sounds like Ben Folds.

- He keeps mementos of the other fighters in the Cafeteria, mostly stuff they've dropped and the things he can take and get from the lost and found bin.

- His nickname in high school was Cooter. (This is according to his formspring, which isn't a reliable source because Reuben is ~especially~ snarky on there.)

Gallery
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